Treasured Motherhood
Treasured Motherhood by Tiffany Ward
As we enter Mother’s Day weekend, we do so with an awareness of the mixed emotions one might feel. We know this is a day we celebrate motherhood and the mother figures in our own life. It is not without a note of emotion for the loss one may feel in regard to their own mother or perhaps their own desire to be a mother to no avail. With that being said, I would like to offer a thought of being a spiritual mother who nurtures others in the kingdom of Christ, and I would love to explore what motherhood looks like to me; providing encouragement to anyone who might be looking for it as it relates to their own circumstances.
MOTHERHOOD
noun
the state of being a mother; maternity.
the qualities or spirit of a mother.
mothers collectively.
adjective
having or relating to an inherent worthiness, justness, or goodness that is obvious or unarguable.
To me, my own definition of Motherhood also means: Chaos coordinator, unknowns manager, heartache embracer, constant interruptions master, and attempting to do everything you need to do but failing to accomplish anything visible at all person. A gift to a child in their developmental progression through life. An opportunity to nurture someone to greatness. A worker in a shared toil of The Master Gardener’s Garden.
I believe Motherhood offers a pathway to change and grow in love, patience, and endurance. There are many benefits to mothering such as a full heart, felt gratitude, personal growth, shared smiles, experiencing joy to the fullest, utmost blessings as one learns and grows, and a strong sense of identity in nurturing life.
One morning, like many mornings, I got up early to have my coffee and chair time. I like to get my day started on the right foot. Waking up to either of my young children demanding milk and Cheerios is not my idea of getting my day started right. I want to sip and savor, to read from my leather bound Bible, listen to a riveting podcast, and make my six most important things list for the day ahead. The big difference about this morning is it’s the morning after vacation. Vacation blues are a legitimate thing. They nab your mind and body and you can feel sapped rather than refreshed. I think it’s because the realities of your regular daily living stare you straight in the face. I have to be honest with myself here. I don’t like my realities right now. The constant demands, with the endless, right now needs.
I went to work out on the peloton bike and my daughter manages to hurt herself not once, but twice, leaving me to choose between my daughter’s highest good, or my desire to care for myself physically, emotionally and mentally. Internal growl, external sigh.
This circumstance leaves me feeling like: What is the point? Is there purpose in all of these unknowns and interruptions? Am I just fulfilling the definition of insanity by doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result every day? Why are children so messy? Why are they so chaotic? What is my draw to peaceful and uninterrupted living? To comfort? Did I actually think I could achieve such a goal with children living in my house??
As I mentioned before, it is a struggle to find time, space and energy to do the things that I want to do. Whether that is through movement, connecting with others or creative expression. There are many daily sacrifices required to be a nurturing mother to children. Writing is a deep passion of mine. It’s a way I process life and I can be filled back up after being so poured out. I mean, I journal daily. I would love to write a book one day and I have vision for that even now! I keep talking about it with my husband and close friends. Yet internally, I often battle insecure thoughts such as “What do I have to say someone else hasn’t already said?” The book of Ecclesiastes found in the Bible says there is nothing new under the sun. I want to write! I crave new experiences, sharing them with others and to be a positive influence! God is showing me by way of these beautiful distractions in the shape of tiny, sticky, grabbing fingers, and insatiable appetites. Like a sprouting seed, I’ll have to push my roots deep into the ground so I can break through the hardened soil and stand strong against the windy distractions above.
How bad do you want it? How hard are you willing to work for it? My dad’s voice entered my mind, and my mom’s too. They are a tenacious couple who together showed me how to work hard for the things you want most.
I read an anonymous facebook post once that said, “My biggest flex is that I've become the woman who would have protected me as a child.”
This may have been meant as a parental bash or perhaps a self-empowerment moment. I’m unsure without checking it out with the wordsmith, but for me it was not a “my mom bash” moment. It stirred something in me. Something greater than dissatisfaction.
What stirred in me was very true for my own hearts identity. A personal realization that led to the seed sprouting from a very dark, hidden, buried place inside of me. You know, the part we keep secret inside from anyone’s prying eyes, or lofty opinions. It prompted a tangible, current event in my own parenting journey.
I homeschool my children part time. My son has neurodivergence. The way he learns and synthesizes information is not average. Through the help of a learning specialist, I started using a whisper phone which acts as an auditory guide where your speech is conveyed into the speaker and travels vertically toward your ear while reading. I was literally telling my son the day before reading the post, while we were doing homeschool work, “Son, are you feeling shy about using your whisper phone to do your schoolwork today with Momma?” He replies, “Yes, I just don’t want to have to do this.” I pause, and then I lean in, I put my arm around his shoulders and I say, “I know this feels hard, but this is a tool that will help you because you learn by hearing and doing and that makes you so special!”
I realized in that moment that my own inner child wished my mom had told me that I learned by feeling, and that made me special. But instead, my perception of what I heard was the message that I was weak for feeling, and even more so for sharing or showing those feelings. I never want my son’s greatest strength to translate as weakness for him. He hears everything, and when he listens strong, that’s how he grows!
I am not here to blame my mom for messages I may have perceived wrongly. My mother loved me, and I loved her. I love both of my own parents very much, and they know this even now. As I parent my own children, I have a growing awareness that most of us are doing the best we can with the tools we have. We are developing and learning as we go. When it came to my feelings and navigating those in my own life, God sent other influences to shape me. This was pivotal in my own growth as a human, as a momma, and as a follower of Jesus. Picture a house. I believe my mom’s parenting foundation looked very different than the ceiling that was her parenting reach. Yet, her ceiling, became the foundation I have been able to stand on in my own journey, and I have metaphorically, opened and walked out of the door and brought in a repairman. His name is Jesus. He has performed foundational underpinning, and He also vaulted my own ceilings to create space for new perspectives and embracing new messages for myself to which I can share with my own precious children. I do hope I can protect them well and give them things I wasn’t able to have. More importantly, I think my greatest flex, is recognizing my own brokenness fully before a God who loves me and sees me. He cares about what I think and how I feel. He has equipped me with good gifts and He has healed my heart so I can step out and guide my own children well. I believe God will heal any cracks in their foundation as he has healed mine.
Treasured Motherhood is a sacred journey full of highs and lows. It’s a way to pause and reflect on what’s been and what could be. Let new growth take root in your own heart and sprout to full bloom as it moves towards light, love, and healing. Feel it. Share it with the world. Be A Mother.
—Be Treasured