Healthy Boundaries for Empathy in Ministry

Healthy Boundaries for Empathy in Ministry by Tiffany Ward

“Momma, help!” Shouts my daughter for the umpteenth time today. I sigh, and I roll my eyes. Inwardly I cringe, thinking why did I ever teach her to ask me for help? Outwardly, I ask her for more details of what she needs help with. After listening to her response, I shout back, “No! You can do it, you don’t need me to do this for you!” Knowing full well this task she is avoiding by asking me for help, will make her stronger and more capable if she learns to do it herself. In her tender age and developing personality, she does not like to make mistakes. She doesn’t yet see the gift in them.

Honestly, if “Momma” had a customer service counter, I’d be marked as “currently unavailable” by noon most days. But that’s motherhood, right? The endless requests become the backdrop where God is shaping both them—and me.

Motherhood is one of the ministries God has allowed me to be part of. There are many tasks and efforts to be made in this role as a parent which I love being part of. I am learning that part of being a stronger mother to my child is letting her make mistakes so she can learn from them, rather than trying to stay ahead of her to keep her from failure.

I have made many preparations to make our home safe and comfortable to live in. My husband and I have both made guidelines and rules to express healthy expectations, and establish caring boundaries for both of our children to learn and grow. Being a recovering pleaser, I have not been the best at enforcing every established area and prefer to let grace abound. Recently, I have seen how this has a proclivity towards more messes and some significant whining from my girl. Time to square up momma. Has this ever happened to you?

I have found preparations are desirable especially when you have a vision of where you want to go. As I worked to reset my approach a phone call with a dear friend was an incredible comfort to me. She listened to me empathetically go on about my confusion, frustrations, and feelings of failure as a person and a parent for at least an hour. She was so quick to offer me grace and care while reminding me prayer is one of the most powerful ways we can recenter. She also reminded me how wonderful boundaries are for parents when established carefully and to give myself some grace. I realized then: boundaries aren’t just built in the hard moments—they’re prepared in advance, so that when the hard moments come, we can respond with wisdom instead of burnout. Boundaries aren’t just reactive, they’re proactive.

I can say, prayerful centering is a beautiful way to start. Boundaries start in the quiet with God before they’re tested in the noise of ministry. Jesus modeled this in Mark 1:35. Very early in the morning, Jesus got up and left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Prayer is like packing provisions before a long journey—it sets your heart, fills your tank, and clarifies what’s yours to carry.

Next for me was knowing my limits. Empathy without limits leads to exhaustion. Preparation means being honest: what drains me quickly? What restores me? Proverbs 4:23 says Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Boundaries don’t block people out; they keep compassion sustainable.

Building in rest and renewal before I get overwhelmed is essential for me regardless of any of my roles in life. Taking time for solitude after heavy ministry moments that are a bit more draining. Knowing I have a trusted friend or mentor to debrief with and setting rhythms of sabbath, sleep, and healthy routines are all part of how I can function healthily. These rhythms are pre-decisions that keep my empathy Spirit-led instead of self-draining.

Galatians 6:2 says carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Notice here it doesn’t say carry everything alone. It is good to ask for help, and it is good to work heartily with excellence and with self-control. Healthy preparations means choosing to serve in partnership with the spirit and body of Christ. Boundaries remind us we’re not the savior—we point to the savior.

Just like my daughter needs the freedom to make mistakes to grow strong, we too need boundaries and God’s Guidance so that our compassion grows strong instead of wearing us out. Boundaries aren’t barriers—they are conditions where empathy can flourish. Healthy boundaries for empathy in ministry are not about shutting people out; they are about preparing our hearts to serve with strength, grace, and sustainability.

—Be Treasured