Known
Known by Tiffany Ward
“I want you to let go of all of it!” He said strongly. “What do you mean?” I asked. He continued on patiently and with empathy; “I want you to put down everything that feels heavy and that you don’t want to do or carry anymore, and let us help you with it all. Especially if you are tired Tiff.” With an exhausted and relieved sigh, my watery eyes spilled hot tears onto my face. The salty tears left a sticky trail on my cheeks as I began releasing my heartfelt and mixed emotions with my husband.
Empathy is a human capacity that everyone has to some degree and it is the ability to understand or share another person’s feelings. It’s a skill everyone can practice. An empath on the other hand is a person who is naturally wired to experience empathy at an intense level, often physically or emotionally feeling what others feel. An empath is like a radio that tunes into every station. Empathy is a skill whereas empaths are wired for felt sense. This wiring is powerful and when spirit led, a wonderful place for compassion to flourish into maturation the way a flower fully blooms in the right conditions.
It reminds me of the sunflower. A sunflower naturally turns toward the sun, following its light throughout the day. In the same way, empaths—and really all of us—are invited to turn toward God’s light for guidance and strength. When we orient ourselves to Him, our compassion doesn’t wither under the weight of the world but grows strong and life-giving. This is the hope, life, and clarity that He gives.
I have witnessed many real expressed thoughts and emotions from others and I have also had my own deeply heard. I have heard wonderful stories and read books that elicit a deeper desire to understand our life, our humanity, and setting healthy limits with a biblical understanding. A particular context I want to extract today that I believe speaks to felt and seen emotions, is found in the book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; it says:
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
A time to be born, and time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.
This passage describes to me the different seasons of life with incredible imagery, certainty, and familiarity. It speaks to the monotony of life and of all the things we face in life while having clarity of boundaries that so often elude our human understanding. It’s all in God’s hands. I can fully trust him no matter the season I am living in.
As a believer, we are called to love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds. Then we love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39)! I understand too that we are also to weep and rejoice with others, living in harmony, not returning evil for evil and being at peace with others as far as it depends upon us. (Romans 12:15-18).
In my mind, heart, and emotion I know I am fully seen and fully loved by God because He tells me so in His holy word. Psalm 139 is a psalm of David. One particular verse says, “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.” It emphasizes The Lord searching and knowing David. We too like David can embrace truth saying to ourselves; the all-knowing God knows me. He doesn’t just know everything—He knows me. It’s not just that God is everywhere—He is everywhere with me. It’s not just that God created everything—He created me. When no one else understand, know this, God does. God cares deeply for you. That’s why he sent his son to die for you, so that you may live, and live abundantly with him (see John 3:16). Not in the darkness of shame, or the shadow of sin. But rather, buried with Christ in baptism and raised to walk in the newness of life (Roman’s 6:3-11).
In this lies a hope for a new belief to form in my human mind and soul. With a new belief comes a new feeling. Redeemed and free. I felt loved and I was deeply known by another. I was cared for and it was a hard fought road for our savior.
God’s role in setting boundaries and sustaining our compassion for ourselves and others is center stage when we are surrendered to Him and his presence fully. When I have Holy Spirit led compassion, I know I’m not taking on too much. My empath radio station is being fine tuned and sometimes tuning into only the quiet and gentle whisper of his voice. Which is the voice that matters most for me. My body begins to rest as I know I don’t have to tune into all the noise around me. My song of confidence is playing gently and purposefully and it fills me with gratitude and thanksgiving.
Practical steps
For empaths:
~Prayer: giving burdens back to God instead of holding them
~Rest: intentional rhythms to release what’s not ours to carry
~Community: safe relationships where you’re not the only one carrying the weight and you are connecting with others around you
For developing empathy:
~Listen before you respond: ask one more question before offering advice
~Practice perspective-taking: imagine what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes fully
~Spend time prayerfully in the word: looking at scripture that shows God’s compassion Reading about the life of Jesus, God in human form who sought out the sick, grieving, and outcasts
~Small acts of kindness: look for one intentional way each day to encourage or serve others
Prayer
Lord, thank you that you know us fully and love us completely. Teach us to live in the balance of mature empathy understanding Spirit-led compassion and healthy boundaries, trusting you with what is too heavy for us to carry. For those of us wired deeply as empaths, give rest and renewal through Your Spirit. For those learning empathy, give eyes to see and heart that respond with Your love. May we weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, always remembering that you are the One who carries us. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
—Be Treasured