Lighten the Load
Lighten the Load by Tiffany Ward
Have you ever felt so poured out that you had nothing left to give—not even to the people you love most? Like a well that’s been drawn from too often, our compassion can run dry. And when it does, we call it compassion fatigue.
The phrase compassion fatigue may sound clinical, and in fact it has its roots in the counseling and trauma care fields. Psychologist Charles Figley first used it in the early 1990s to describe what happens when caregivers—whether professionals like doctors and counselors, or everyday people like parents and ministry leaders—become worn down by constantly tending to the needs and struggles of others. Over time, this “cost of caring” can leave the heart feeling drained, hope diminished, and joy harder to find.
Yet, long before researchers gave it a name, God already knew our human tendency to run dry when we pour out without being filled. Scripture reminds us of His invitation in Matthew 11:28; Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Compassion fatigue may be a modern phrase, but the solution has always been timeless—returning to the One who restores our soul.
I recently found myself in a poured out state. I felt saddled much like my horses looked when we go on along trail ride. For me it was a weight that was more than I could bear on any given day. I make a point to offload heavy and hard things before the Lord everyday—sometimes moment to moment. I love the phrase one step at a time. It makes life feel a bit more livable.
I have a habit of often praying Matthew 13:16 over myself, my family and my friends. The scripture is a moment where Jesus says to his disciples, “But blessed are your eyes because they see, and ears because they hear.” I am praying for eyes that see and ears that hear in my life, for a desire to have an awareness for what breaks God’s heart. Putting on compassion is not natural for most people. It is a conscious decision. You cannot give something you have not received yourself which is why so many of us get stuck in the ditch of pride which shows up at times as false humility, prideful loudness, or even a sense of worthlessness. These are equally devastating and inappropriate to the God mission Christian communities declare they are devoting themselves to.
Control has played a big piece in my personal life struggles. Being controlled by others is not something I want to be part of, I also don’t want to be trapped but free to move and do what I’m meant to. When I first became aware of my fears and began to notice how I ran from control or tried to control my outcomes safely, I rejected the reality. I declared it to my sister and close friends, “I don’t have a problem with that at all.” Denial can be a real road block to growth. I don’t know many people who want to see or say what is broken or negative inside themselves. That requires grace, self awareness, and humility.
I want to share a few examples for when I have personally run from control; when I have felt trapped in circumstances, other people’s opinions and commentary in regard to me, and also in myself and what I think of me. In light of a beautiful conversation I had with my Dad, I was reminded that my natural tendency is pleasing in effort to protect myself and be at peace with others. This in and of itself is a form of dishonesty that traps myself in situations I don’t want to have any part in. In effort to move toward clarity, I have to first recognize my own fallen and broken tendencies. Ouch. Self awareness is hard. But God awareness says, it’s going to be ok, even when you aren’t ok.
Some truths that must be considered is that true happiness is not based on circumstances, people, or my own opinion of me or others. It is based on joy found in a loving Father who has paid it all. I often walk myself right back into the courtroom metaphorically speaking as though I’m looking for the ultimate verdict. I have done this by looking to others and my situations to tell me who I am and what I have done in relation to others due to my own issues with my ego and low self-esteem. There is so much real freedom found in releasing myself from those chains and putting on the real identity I have already been given. Detaching myself from personalizing every conversation and situation as though it holds a direct connection to me and my worth.
God has already given me a new life, and I can rest in that. He says to my soul often, “Beloved, Rest in ME.” Not them, not the circumstance and not my own of opinion. Only God sees the BIG picture. Read in the book of Romans chapters 12-15. You will find that book is full of beautiful promises about christian living and how we can behave towards others and ourselves. Our worth is not built on self-love but God’s love. His love is powerful and full of bright light that pushes back the darkest of days. The darkest of moments in life can not overwhelm that kind of light. We know our time here is temporary. We don’t have to perform to prove our worth. We don’t have to explain ourselves. As a believer in a community of believers, we have a responsibility to God. He is who we must give an account of ourselves. If we are to be poured out, it is as a living sacrifice in worship to the GOD WHO SEES. He knows everything about you and loves you anyway. Rest in that. Accept that. Leave the changing of others to the one who is changing you into all you are meant to become while loving you as you already are. We were made for so much more than ourselves.
Pause and reflect:
Consider where you are poured out. What do you worship. Who does your worship edify? Are you trying to prove your worth and build up your own self-esteem? Are you striving for affection and validation in others and being filled with sadness or anger when people don’t see you? How can you take real power back? Establishing peace and rest in your now?
If you have found yourself in compassion fatigue, remembering that we cannot give what we do not have. Rest and renewal is something we have access to constantly. Reach out to the source of life. Rest in Him. Let Him define you. He has compassion for you. You can share that with everyone you meet, because his compassionate love is steadfast and never runs out. A call to care is a call to grow in mercy. Mercy and grace walk hand in hand with truth and love.
We are not abandoned (John 14:18) and we are not left without peace! The Peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. (John 14:27)
—Be Treasured