Summer Sunsets

Summer Sunsets by Tiffany Ward

Hey you! Have you found your summer legs yet? Are you finding ways to balance work, play, and rest? Or is chaos still on repeat?

I live in a house with a wonderfully large common space and three other humans! We have adapted to the school time routine, and now that school’s out we have been completely unstructured and loose in our habits. The first couple of weeks free of school, we live and let live. It’s a nice change of pace. In the summertime with the kids home all of the time, we find things a bit strewn everywhere! This beautiful mess is partly because, in Texas, we try to get outside before it’s too hot. Then in the afternoon, if we aren’t splashing around in our stock tank cowboy pool, we enjoy little projects such as: crafts, movies, or books during the heat of the day. I love these little projects left undone, toys strewn about, and crumbs on or under the table. My heart feels so much joy when I see this in the summertime!

My husband and I both work through the summer, and there are a few spaces that have to stay managed in the household. The common space, kitchen, pantry and laundry are the main spaces we keep in order during this nice break. I typically incorporate some structure into the day for the kids with rhythms and routines they can follow themselves. I help them create a list at the start of the day. They use a clock and timers as their guide so they don’t have to keep coming to me and looking for me to tell them what to do. This is wonderful because it allows me space to be free from decision fatigue. We don’t allow our kids endless screen time and if they do use screens it is usually in the afternoon. This boundary helps them know that’s not even an option for them in the morning. There are, however, these two drawers in our kitchen, and they frequently become unmanageable.

I remember a time in my life when I would have rage cleaned those drawers…unleashing my inner Monica from the show FRIENDS in one moment! One particular Tuesday, I asked my husband to please tend to the mess while I mowed the grass. He graciously said yes to me, and handled it. I felt thankful to walk away and let him deal with it. I have since reorganized it again, and know the drawers will likely need attention in the coming month because of the role they play in our kitchen.

I digress, as I was sitting on the mower mowing straight lines and affecting change on the grass with every cut the blade made and enjoying the smell of fresh-cut grass, I was thinking. Wow. I really have a struggle with control. I’m either walking away from it, or leaning hard into it. I took a test from a ministry program called Regeneration by Watermark Church. The test is called the struggles finder’s test. It showed me how my childhood themes of worry, insecurity, and fear have matured into depression, pride, and control. I reflected back to another moment earlier in the year when I had shared my testimony with the regen community in our church. Through this process of awareness, owning my broken places and fully trusting God I began to break free from the things that weighed me down in the past. I used to be so desperate for love that I unknowingly worshipped God’s creation. I loved the order he made and the pleasures I felt in all that He made. I looked to those people or things for acceptance and for joy. The first Biblical commandment in the Bible is Don’t have any other gods before Him.

There are many things we as humans worship instead of God. Our culture is fully absorbed with the worship of self and things that bring us pleasure or comfort. We spend our time idolizing aspects of His creation instead of really knowing the Creator ourselves. I am not ashamed to share that some of the top things I have elevated is fun, friendships, order, and my own comfort.

I have learned that we were made for worship by our Creator. The relationship with our maker is a sacred and special space to spend our time and give our affections. This treasured worship between us and God comforts us as He speaks kindly and lovingly to us, calling us out of ourselves, out of our broken places to higher places!

I want to share a passage that means a lot to me. The Bible verse referring to “deer feet” or “hinds' feet” is most famously found in Psalms 18:33 and also found in 2 Samuel 22:34 and Habakkuk 3:19. The passage says:

“He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and sets me upon my high places.”

This verse emphasizes God's ability to make a person strong and sure-footed, even when faced with difficult or challenging situations. It signifies that God provides the stability and confidence needed to navigate life's obstacles. 

We have deer that graze in the back of our property early in the day, and again at sunset. The kids and I like to watch them quietly as they forage for what they need. When they are startled they look up, they look around, and they bound away to safety with sure feet. Today, and everyday forward I want to be like the deer! 🦌🦌🦌

They’re sure-footed because of Jesus! I can also see the picture of the deer painted in Psalm 42:1, which reads: "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God." This verse expresses a longing for God, similar to how a deer thirsts for water.

So wherever you are today—balanced or unbalanced in work, play, or rest—I pray you find your summer legs. That you can experience treasured worship and true appreciation for the one who made it all. One of my favorite things to do in the summer with my family is to watch the sunset! Sunsets are a favorite for us, as are sun rises! We don’t want to miss them! We know we can walk away from all of those things strewn about the house, and we can enjoy the beauty of the moment despite the chaos of the summer day!

—Be Treasured

Breathing Room

Breathing Room by Tiffany Ward

Inhale, exhale. I noted the smell of salt in the air as I breathed deeply. I breathed in again, deeper this time. I paused, and then I exhaled slowly. The sound of the waves rising and falling on the shoreline lulled me to sleep. I laid on a sturdy lounge chair with white lattice backing, lathered in sunscreen. The warmth of the sun on my pale skin was comforting and cleansed my soul. The taste of a mint mojito lingered on my lips and encouraged no sense of time. Relaxed was an understatement for the feelings that ensued; I felt euphoric. I breathed deeply, opened my eyes, and surveyed the ocean with its contrasting colors of crystal blue waters and sea foam green bubbles. The early afternoon sun was high and the cloudless sky a brilliant blue made the waters even more reflective. I readjusted the wide nautical striped burlap pillow under my head and I noticed Romando, the beach attendant, headed my way. As he approached, I smiled encouragingly. “Hola Senorita,” he says in his foreign tongue. “Another Mojito?” I smiled and declined politely. As I recall this sensational vacation experience that I took with Phillip in 2016, I noted it was there on the beach that I learned the personal importance and gifts God gives through sunshine, healthy self-care practices, and no sense of time. Meaning, being fully present to the moment.

Far back into my childhood, I can remember the thrilling sensation of the sunshine on my skin. Especially on my face. The sun’s warmth radiated through me, cheered my spirits and elicited happiness. Nature, in all its beauty, has had a constant voice in bringing me to my senses. A bird’s song, the rush of wind through my hair, and the smell of lilacs and honeysuckle bushes, all have a fond place in my memories. The same peaceful feeling enraptured me on the beach that day. The day started with my husband and me racing to the beach to catch the sun as it rose over the sparkling water. We were not disappointed in the least. I am someone who looks for constants amidst the changes of life to feel secure. No matter where I have been, the sun has risen and set.

On the sandy white beach of Mexico, I had a real taste of self-care. Self-care is any activity we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although, it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something very often overlooked and misunderstood. This idea was not impressed upon me during childhood but rather a learned practice. I was a young bride, married to my childhood sweetheart at eighteen. Then, some years later, I had become a nurturing mother, inexperienced business owner, and an active member of our church community. Immature and naïve, busy, stressed, and overwhelmed, I navigated the tumultuous ocean of life with its unexpected waves and frequent changes. I was not at peace. I was a hard worker who experienced burnout and thought the way I was living was the way everyone lived. To my delight and surprise, on the shoreline of Mexico, I discovered there was a better way to live. It started with making a conscious decision to properly care for myself then and every day to come. Self-care to me also includes a spiritual approach. Partnering with the Lord in this endeavor, as John 15:4-5 reminds us that abiding in Him is essential, because nothing apart from Him is fruitful.

Practicing present time is also a difficult endeavor; we are trained to live in the busy and the hurry from youth. Having no sense of time is hard for someone like me, who is so used to planning everything.  I have had to learn that life doesn’t go as planned. In the past, I have defined comfort and security in the black and white decisions of day to day. More recently, I’ve focused on being present and doing only one thing at a time. I practice this with my husband, with our family, and on my own. Looking back, we enjoyed every moment in Mexico. We lost ourselves to the sound of waves lapping the shoreline and the smell of salty air, as we received massages in a straw roofed bungalow. We snorkeled, paddle boarded, ate flavorful foods by candlelight, and salsa danced on the beach. I napped in a hammock, waded in the water, and took long walks.

I took a vacation that changed my perspective about life. The over-planned, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and burned out feeling was a terrible way to live. Now, I take breaks from my reality, step outside, look skyward and breathe deeply. I have learned it is important to “smell the roses” and to lose myself to my senses as well as the passing time. I have embraced a newfound belief in the quality care God gives to us through sunshine, self-care, and no sense of time.

My soul feels confident in the presence of God! This can be experienced anywhere. I often feel I can’t get enough time with God. I enjoy the feeling and awareness of His presence in my life. Whether that is in the mundane of everyday life, or standing on a beachfront staring into the horizon. The renewed hope I have in Him and comfort I experience everyday even in this broken world is wonderful! I want that for you too. In the book of Matthew 11:28, Jesus’ invitation to "come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" highlights the importance of seeking refuge and rejuvenation. It leads me to ask, when was the last time you had breathing room? What are you doing to slow down and take your time? Do you practice the gift of self-care?

— Be Treasured

Chaotic Beauty

Chaotic Beauty by Tiffany Ward

Life is so fun and ever so full! The pace has been a bit much for my liking. I have felt the weight of overwhelming feelings. I am sure many of you have heard the term “Maycember.” It is a playful mashup of May and December, typically used humorously to describe how hectic and overwhelming May can feel, especially for parents, teachers, and students. I have personally felt the physical and mental exhaustion that these last few weeks have held for our family and it’s been too much! Are you feeling the pace? How are you embracing the beauty? I want to encourage each of you to find time to rest, to play, and to remember. There is a powerful gift in pausing and reflecting.

One of the ways I pause and reflect is on a weekly date night with my hubby. He is my favorite, and he knows it. We recently went on our weekly date and found ourselves at the peaceful oasis of Cresson Bluff Winery. We purchased a bottle of Cabernet to sip and enjoy the atmosphere and reflect on life together. As a follower of Christ, we find a clear understanding in the work of God in our lives versus the work of a dark force which we call the enemy, Satan, or the devil.

The enemy lives in the darkness and his goal and plan is always the same. He is looking for ways to steal our joyful moments especially after we have done something that honors our Maker. As our weekly rhythm causes us to connect and grow closer together, we realized we needed to focus some conversation on our financial budget, as well as our calendar where we budget time. As we were attempting to look at something in the budget on our phones, my husband accidentally knocked my glass of red wine all over me. Oops.

We had a moment where we made eye contact. He had shocked himself and I felt shocked too because oh my goodness what just happened?? Ironically, our budget conversation was centered around the costliness of buying new clothes, and I had saved this not-so-budget-friendly new outfit for our date. He was kindly apologetic. And I calmly replied, “May we go home?” He said, “I’ll go close our tab.” He handed me the keys and I began walking back to the car.

I found in that moment how comical all of this was. I began to laugh as I pulled myself into our Lunar Rock colored 4Runner. I laughed because I realized that in that chaotic moment, I did not feel angry or annoyed or victim minded. What a work of Christ in my life. I researched how to remove red wine from clothes and thankfully have these same pants and shirt free of red wine stain today! Phillip and I came home together. We shared a beautiful exchange with our family where in the past we would have both pulled away from each other to distance ourselves from the whole situation.

I am glad to see how God works in our life! He changes us completely. With thanksgiving, we can hit pause, reflect on what is, what we want to be, and the changes we can make individually and together to grow into who we are becoming. With this being Memorial Day weekend, it’s a great time to consider the sacrifice of another so we could live in the freedom we have today! What a testament of kindness, goodness, and strength. What a testament to sacrifice. Could you find some time this weekend to pause, to reflect, to remember?

— Be Treasured

The Garden of Our Life

The Garden of Our Life by Tiffany Ward

My husband of almost fifteen years and I met when we were children. Being so very young there was a sweet curiosity and friendship formed from our youth. As we grew older we spent hours riding horses together, talking about life, and navigating all of its complexities. He is a bit more quiet so let’s face it, I did a lot of the talking. He was ever so sweet to listen and respond to many of my wondering thoughts and impulsive ideas. I remember the first time an invader of sorts was on the path of one of our favorite places. We were both astride powerfully strong and attentive horses. As we walked the trail with an energetic jaunt, both of our horses came to a momentary halt as they noticed a snake wrapped in a tree above the pathway we would normally walk. Thank goodness between the horses and Phillip, we were able to avoid its potential danger to us. I still don’t know what type of snake it was, or if it was poisonous. We didn’t have Google back then to snap a photo in real time and access instant information at our fingertips. So, I think of it as a tree snake. We found another path forward on our trail ride and avoided the path under the tree altogether. We rode that trail many times after and never did see a tree snake there again, just the one time. What’s interesting as I recall this memory is it was a foreshadow of an even darker force we would one day encounter—one that would affect the purity and sanctity of our marriage, and help us more clearly define what motivates us as we move through our life together.

As we grew up, we connected so deeply emotionally and spiritually that Phillip pursued me with the intent of marriage. This is significant for me because as we grew together he became the standard I would measure other boys—and eventually men— by. I knew from the age of seven, we were meant to spend our time on earth together. When he professed his ‘like’ for me I was sixteen, he was so relieved that I returned his affection. We married ever so young. He being four years older than me, and I was only eighteen when we married. My goodness, what you think you know about the world around you at eighteen and twenty-two is only a fraction of what the larger picture is. God was ever so kind to give us to one another, to grow up together.

In my early twenties we felt sure we were meant to grow our family. We had our son when I was twenty-two. We learned so much about God’s immeasurable love for us as we began parenting our little boy. Our son was a sweet figurative plant to nurture and love, that God— The Master Gardener—had planted and popped up in the garden of our life. Not quite a year later, I found I was expecting again! This excited us greatly! We wanted to have two kiddos close together and maybe a few more later as the first two got bigger. Another snake in our path came that we could not avoid, and the bite was painful. I lost our precious baby about eight weeks into the pregnancy. It was painful and messy for me personally, and especially for our marriage.

In this same season I had stepped into a new world of entrepreneurial goals and dreams. I had launched my own small spa with a focus on skin and body through the practice of esthetics and massage therapy. This was always meant to be a stepping stone in our life so I could pursue a larger calling in the life I lived. Sadly, feeling the poisonous pain of loss and not enduring the suffering well, I encountered another snake. Deception and false comfort. I stepped out on my marriage emotionally because I could not process my pain with God or my husband well. I have a deep sense of sadness when I reflect on this time in my life because in my own selfishness and desire to be comforted, I hurt other people along my path in my effort to feel better inside myself. I allowed myself to fall prey to the lies of the snake in the garden of my own life. My marriage, my Eden became broken. God is so faithful to give us His love and kindness and bring healing to our hurts. He thankfully allowed Phillip to stay tender to me despite my emotional unfaithfulness to him. It was not effortless on his part, he was intentional and committed even when I had not been. I know now that this is how God is with each of us. Referencing the story of Genesis and the fall of man, see chapter three for the full context. When sin entered the world. Something beautiful God had made was marred by brokenness and darkness. Thankfully, that darkness didn’t get the final say. God was not through growing his garden despite the tempter’s lies and misbehaviors in the shape of his serpent body. There was another stronger force that hung on a tree, and his name was Jesus. He made all things new with his sacrifice. He hung there on the cross, God as man, and he took our shame, took our pain, and he said, “forgive them, they know not what they do.” I’m thankful he didn’t stop there but showed his power and might by overcoming darkness and the decay of sinfulness and our brokenness in our humanity. He came back to life. The light must have been so bright to behold.

Thank goodness that healing comes through God’s love for us. I myself, could not disconnect from my pain of loss on my own. Yet, he used the pain of wrong things in my life to shape me for something greater than myself. My husband and I began to heal our hurts and step into the spiritual calling of healing  marriages and helping them grow in God’s way. It has not been easy but it has been so, so good. We had another bloom in the garden of our life, our precious daughter. She is such a joy to know, easy to love, and effortlessly beautiful.

One day this past fall before the cold of winter set in, my girl and I traipsed down the hill to care for our chickens with some scraps of fruit and vegetables from our refrigerator. When we were near the plateau she ran ahead in her sparkly purple crocs. Unbeknownst to us, she ran right past a snake in the grass. It whipped around so fast with tension and alarm. As it coiled back, it popped up it’s tail full of rattles and gave them a wiggle. The snake began tracking my precious daughter with such intensity. It was frightening. When my daughter turned around she faltered and was stricken with fear. I very calmly and firmly told her to stop her feet and to back away slowly. I told her not to come to me, since the path was blocked with the snake between her and me. It was not safe for her to come back to me. I told her to crawl up onto the nearby white horse panel fencing we had for our horses. She thankfully, suppressed every urge to come running back to me and climbed the fence. I had no weapon, and no way to contact my husband or my son who were both home. I did something a mother could never fathom, I left my daughter on the fence with a poisonous snake tracking her with his eyes and his body like it was his only mission in life. He was not moving toward her but rather very aware of her, assessing her as a potential threat to him. It was eerie and unnerving. I assured my daughter I was going to go get a weapon to get rid of the snake, and find her daddy and come back for her. I knew she was temporarily safe, and I would not leave her on the fence for long. Even though she was filled with fear, she responded tearfully. I reminded her of a scripture we had been reading only the night before as she faced her bedtime fears of the darkness. She began praying out loud the verse in the Bible from the book of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” She was ever so brave. I returned with help, the serpent was put to death, and my daughter was restored to the comfort and safety of our home.

This was not our last encounter with a real serpent on our land to be sure. We have had to work with our girl to help her overcome her fear of potentially encountering another snake on our path outside. I know this lesson is good for her to learn as a child even if it felt scary to her. The lesson taking root inside of her will be necessary as she encounters other allegorical snakes in her life.

Recently, with spring in full bloom, my son and I decided to sit outside by our fire pit. It wasn’t really cool enough to start the fire but we have such a joy around the flicker of a flame and the conversations we have there. My son was reaching down to open the hinged grate and a green head with a very small mouth popped out. His eyes glistened and his head bobbed as he looked at my son. The green head retreated back inside of his hiding place, and my son looked very surprised at me. He excitedly asked me to investigate more closely, and we found that a small very green garden snake had coiled itself around the propane tank connection and igniting switch of the fire pit. The idea of kicking back and relaxing with a harmless nonvenomous snake was not part of either of our plans. He needed relocation. I have grown out of some of my childhood tom-boy tendencies and could not bring myself to grab the snakehead and uncoil him from the connection point myself. So, instead, I got a pair of kitchen tongs to do the job. We showed the snake to my husband, who confirmed his harmlessness, and told us to release the snake into the grass further out. When we did the green snake effortlessly blended into the green growing grass along the hillside and slithered away about his day.

These encounters cause me to pause. I question how many times in our own life will we encounter these snakes in the grass, in the trees, or along our path? The snakes that slither through in the shape of suffering and pain. Or the ones that invite our human curiosity and tempt us to do things that would not bring life to our flesh and bones. Snakes can be harmless but oftentimes they are quick and ready to strike, or perhaps assessing you with their eerily intense eyes. One thing I have come to conclude, there will be unwanted forces of pain and darkness in your own garden of life. There will be enticing and desirable opportunities on our path that if we follow will bite us and lead us to our own destruction. One thing I have learned fully from The Master Gardener in my own life, we won’t be able to prevent the encounters. We can however, choose how we respond to them. We can let fear drive our response. Or we can let love drive our response and be the primary motivation for all the hope we have as we traverse through our very big garden of life.

— Be Treasured

Treasured Motherhood

Treasured Motherhood by Tiffany Ward

As we enter Mother’s Day weekend, we do so with an awareness of the mixed emotions one might feel. We know this is a day we celebrate motherhood and the mother figures in our own life. It is not without a note of emotion for the loss one may feel in regard to their own mother or perhaps their own desire to be a mother to no avail. With that being said, I would like to offer a thought of being a spiritual mother who nurtures others in the kingdom of Christ, and I would love to explore what motherhood looks like to me; providing encouragement to anyone who might be looking for it as it relates to their own circumstances.

MOTHERHOOD

noun

the state of being a mother; maternity.

the qualities or spirit of a mother.

mothers collectively.

adjective

having or relating to an inherent worthiness, justness, or goodness that is obvious or unarguable.

To me, my own definition of Motherhood also means: Chaos coordinator, unknowns manager, heartache embracer, constant interruptions master, and attempting to do everything you need to do but failing to accomplish anything visible at all person. A gift to a child in their developmental progression through life. An opportunity to nurture someone to greatness. A worker in a shared toil of The Master Gardener’s Garden.

I believe Motherhood offers a pathway to change and grow in love, patience, and endurance. There are many benefits to mothering such as a full heart, felt gratitude, personal growth, shared smiles, experiencing joy to the fullest, utmost blessings as one learns and grows, and a strong sense of identity in nurturing life.

One morning, like many mornings, I got up early to have my coffee and chair time. I like to get my day started on the right foot. Waking up to either of my young children demanding milk and Cheerios is not my idea of getting my day started right. I want to sip and savor, to read from my leather bound Bible, listen to a riveting podcast, and make my six most important things list for the day ahead. The big difference about this morning is it’s the morning after vacation. Vacation blues are a legitimate thing. They nab your mind and body and you can feel sapped rather than refreshed. I think it’s because the realities of your regular daily living stare you straight in the face. I have to be honest with myself here. I don’t like my realities right now. The constant demands, with the endless, right now needs.

I went to work out on the peloton bike and my daughter manages to hurt herself not once, but twice, leaving me to choose between my daughter’s highest good, or my desire to care for myself physically, emotionally and mentally. Internal growl, external sigh.

This circumstance leaves me feeling like: What is the point? Is there purpose in all of these unknowns and interruptions? Am I just fulfilling the definition of insanity by doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result every day? Why are children so messy? Why are they so chaotic? What is my draw to peaceful and uninterrupted living? To comfort? Did I actually think I could achieve such a goal with children living in my house??

As I mentioned before, it is a struggle to find time, space and energy to do the things that I want to do. Whether that is through movement, connecting with others or creative expression. There are many daily sacrifices required to be a nurturing mother to children. Writing is a deep passion of mine. It’s a way I process life and I can be filled back up after being so poured out. I mean, I journal daily. I would love to write a book one day and I have vision for that even now! I keep talking about it with my husband and close friends. Yet internally, I often battle insecure thoughts such as “What do I have to say someone else hasn’t already said?” The book of Ecclesiastes found in the Bible says there is nothing new under the sun. I want to write! I crave new experiences, sharing them with others and to be a positive influence! God is showing me by way of these beautiful distractions in the shape of tiny, sticky, grabbing fingers, and insatiable appetites. Like a sprouting seed, I’ll have to push my roots deep into the ground so I can break through the hardened soil and stand strong against the windy distractions above.

How bad do you want it? How hard are you willing to work for it? My dad’s voice entered my mind, and my mom’s too. They are a tenacious couple who together showed me how to work hard for the things you want most.

I read an anonymous facebook post once that said, “My biggest flex is that I've become the woman who would have protected me as a child.”

This may have been meant as a parental bash or perhaps a self-empowerment moment. I’m unsure without checking it out with the wordsmith, but for me it was not a “my mom bash” moment. It stirred something in me. Something greater than dissatisfaction.

What stirred in me was very true for my own hearts identity. A personal realization that led to the seed sprouting from a very dark, hidden, buried place inside of me. You know, the part we keep secret inside from anyone’s prying eyes, or lofty opinions. It prompted a tangible, current event in my own parenting journey.

I homeschool my children part time. My son has neurodivergence. The way he learns and synthesizes information is not average. Through the help of a learning specialist, I started using a whisper phone which acts as an auditory guide where your speech is conveyed into the speaker and travels vertically toward your ear while reading. I was literally telling my son the day before reading the post, while we were doing homeschool work, “Son, are you feeling shy about using your whisper phone to do your schoolwork today with Momma?” He replies, “Yes, I just don’t want to have to do this.” I pause, and then I lean in, I put my arm around his shoulders and I say, “I know this feels hard, but this is a tool that will help you because you learn by hearing and doing and that makes you so special!”

I realized in that moment that my own inner child wished my mom had told me that I learned by feeling, and that made me special. But instead, my perception of what I heard was the message that I was weak for feeling, and even more so for sharing or showing those feelings. I never want my son’s greatest strength to translate as weakness for him. He hears everything, and when he listens strong, that’s how he grows!

I am not here to blame my mom for messages I may have perceived wrongly. My mother loved me, and I loved her. I love both of my own parents very much, and they know this even now. As I parent my own children, I have a growing awareness that most of us are doing the best we can with the tools we have. We are developing and learning as we go. When it came to my feelings and navigating those in my own life, God sent other influences to shape me. This was pivotal in my own growth as a human, as a momma, and as a follower of Jesus. Picture a house. I believe my mom’s parenting foundation looked very different than the ceiling that was her parenting reach. Yet, her ceiling, became the foundation I have been able to stand on in my own journey, and I have metaphorically, opened and walked out of the door and brought in a repairman. His name is Jesus. He has performed foundational underpinning, and He also vaulted my own ceilings to create space for new perspectives and embracing new messages for myself to which I can share with my own precious children. I do hope I can protect them well and give them things I wasn’t able to have. More importantly, I think my greatest flex, is recognizing my own brokenness fully before a God who loves me and sees me. He cares about what I think and how I feel. He has equipped me with good gifts and He has healed my heart so I can step out and guide my own children well. I believe God will heal any cracks in their foundation as he has healed mine.

Treasured Motherhood is a sacred journey full of highs and lows. It’s a way to pause and reflect on what’s been and what could be. Let new growth take root in your own heart and sprout to full bloom as it moves towards light, love, and healing. Feel it. Share it with the world. Be A Mother.

—Be Treasured

The Master Gardener

The Master Gardener by Tiffany Ward

“Look Mommy!” says my daughter with so much delight and joy in her voice. She stops pedaling her pink bike, complete with training wheels and a brown wicker basket. She comes to a halt in the middle of our normally secluded road. I smile both inwardly and outwardly as my eyes take in the beauty around us. Spring has sprung, and we were surrounded. Wildflowers were everywhere, with a bright array of colors and a potent sweet aroma! The sun was shining brightly, with a gentle breeze and a few puffy clouds floated in the sky. Alongside the blooming wildflowers were butterflies flitting and birds singing! It was quite breathtaking and moving. I glanced back over my shoulder and I saw my husband calmly waiting with the dog on the leash as our son got his personal transporter of choice, a hover board, down our unpaved drive to the road. By the time I looked back at my daughter she had abandoned her bike to pick the wild flowers. My daughter would “ooh and awe” as she pulled yellow, pink, and purple clusters, and then run back to her bike to put it in her basket. I caught up with her and joined her in the harvest.

As my daughter and I picked the wild flowers along the path on our family walk I remembered a Bible verse about flowers — how they grow decked in beauty, in splendor, and then wither and fade away. Worry tugged at my mind reminding me of our earthly concerns and eventual fate. The challenge of navigating our own health in our human bodies with a holistic and wholesome approach has been forefront in my mind. I think often about what makes up a person beyond our physiological design. How we need to be nurtured in all areas of our lives spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, nutritionally and hormonally. Knowing full well that we were pulling at these beautiful flowers removing them from their life source in their season of bloom, and yet after sometime they would fade away and so would we. The particular Bible reference that came into my mind especially refers to our worry of earthly things. Such as our provisions, our comforts, and even our demise. Matthew 6:28-34 compares the beauty and provision for the lilies of the field to God’s care for humans and 1 Peter 1:24 tells us, “For all flesh is like grass, and all its glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall.”

As a follower of Christ I believe in an eternal destiny filled with hope, healing, and light. I am not alone in my understanding that all the darkness of this world will come to an end as I have read many wonderful devotionals that remind us of this eternal destiny. I realized even in the darkness of the earths soil, seeds germinate, roots are formed, and plants push out of the earth with such a strong force.

A quote by Sarah Young from her book, Jesus Always:

“There will be no night in heaven, for the Glory of God gives it Light. You will not need nighttime for sleeping, because your glorified body will always be full of energy. Tiredness is one of the main things people have to contend with in this world, especially as they grow old or sickly. But there will be no fatigue in heaven and therefore no need for sleep.”

As I wrote this very article it was energetically so in the dark of night. I had woken from a deep sleep, either from my own restlessness or my husband’s nighttime stirrings. I have navigated some significant health issues in my thirty-three years on this earth. I’m recently learning by way of my healthcare provider and many blood tests that my body operates as an unhealthy sixty-five year old woman. This has come with nighttime wakings. Thankfully, I am coming into a more balanced state for my age and getting better rest most nights. I digress, in the night waking, I paused and I prayed for peace in my body and for my family. I also prayed for sleep to come back over me. The Lord smiled at me kindly. He instead prompted me to get up out of my bed where I lay in the darkness, and to get to work in the light of my living room lamp to write these words!

Real tangible provision is found in our sitting and stepping with our maker. Our strength comes through Him alone. He alone can meet our soul’s true desires and help us to grow into who we are truly meant to become. He is the creator of restful rhythms. You can look at the creation story in Genesis. He is a victor for us; we only need to let our awareness for his presence in our lives grow and He will move us.

How are you connecting with our Creator and finding restful rhythms as you process life? Writing has been so essential for how I process life, and I’m ever so thankful for words that help me express and articulate the deeper thoughts and feelings I have. I came to write by way of my mom. She homeschooled me in my formative years. I was a very emotional child and mom didn’t know what to do with all of my tears. I remember that she and Dad bought me a journal and told me to write things down there. They pointed me towards words bringing freedom and healing. By the grace of God, He has allowed that to be restful for me. It also inspires me and stirs things up inside, allowing curiosity to flow.

There is a song by Emmy Rose and Bethel Music called Tend. These beautiful lyrics speak to me! They help me look at the landscape of my own life and think about how in each season there is a gentleness in the time taken for renewal and growth. The reference to the removal of dead things in our lives, and the pruning of what is running wild is essential for each of us as we build the foundation of belief and trust in our Heavenly Father. God is the gardener of our hearts; He tends the soil of our soul. We want him to break up the fallow ground, cut back the overgrown, and help us see what needs to go. May we have an awareness of the things He wants to stay in our life and flourish in us. He wants to grow in the soil of our lives.

Walking in the light and abiding in God’s grace are part of what makes me tick. There is a particular passage in 1 John 1:5 that says, “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” Read in full context you will encounter the truth of the gospel and learn more about the eternal hope we have in Christ. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing.”

The message of hope, abiding, and becoming, are all essential to our growth. If we abide in grace as we grow through change, we will flourish. Trust in God’s timing. Spring is here, Enjoy it! The season will continue to change as the earthly pattern does. Get your proverbial roots deep into the hope we have in Christ, wholly abide there because when the heat comes and you wither and fade, there will be a day you will spring up in eternity where beauty and splendor never fade away. Gracefully and lovingly abide in God, let Him grow in the soil of your life and you will be truly changed in every way.

—Be Treasured

Moth to the Flame

Moth to the Flame by Tiffany Ward

Sometimes, when I look at my children directly in the eyes and we hold eye contact, I am so enamored I can’t look away from them. Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to what I love even if it’s to my own detriment. The feelings that take over is a force so strong that it reminds me of the reality of two magnets coming together with effort, strong connection, and momentum. What a powerful picture of a purposeful design indicative of an originator. A creator so focused and methodical in everything made. In our humanity we notice our daily needs such as eating, sleeping, or playing. Children can be so quick to say when they are hungry or when things are too loud. But what about us as adults? Some of us have become skilled at ignoring ourselves and the health of noticing and meeting needs. How are we expressing our own human needs? Not just the daily ones, but our deeper needs, on a soul level? How do we get those needs met? As I write, I find myself exploring; life’s endless hurry, how people move to their own preferred retreat because life can be too painful, and my desire to work together to embrace the gift God has given to us through silence and solitude. 

Life is too often hurried and moving at a frenetic pace. Life is also painful at times. Many of us have experienced some kind of loss in our own lifetime. We might respond to pain by facing it, but most respond with avoidance. Looking to the created things to make us feel better or to numb our pain. Leaning into the busy culture, to producing, and to achieving have all been part of the success stories I’ve heard as a theme or thread of a normal American life. Life is fast and it’s affecting all of us just like the moth to the flame that ends in despair. I was recently sitting by our fire-pit on our back patio for about an hour one evening enjoying the sunset. As the darkness grew around me, I noticed the flames of the fire flickering back and forth dancing before my eyes. Many moths flew into these burning embers and would eventually perish from the flames. It seemed they were so fixated on the flame they didn’t even realize it was leading to their demise. What I have since learned is moths get confused by the light. Due to transverse orientation, moths can be guided by lights that are further away like the moon and the stars. The light is so distant that it helps them fly straight. If a light like a flame or porch light is near, they get confused and spiral out towards it. Understanding more about a moth makes me question how my own focus is affected wrongly. Where is your focus? Are you unknowingly flying toward a flame that will consume you? As I’ve grown from childhood to now adulthood, I’ve noticed the theme around me has changed in my lifetime. We are not just busy and hurried. People have also become consumers of what success and hard work have made and we want more. We feel entitled to more. On top of wanting more, in our rise of demands we also want more now. Instant gratification is worshipped in our society. We can talk more about how impatience plays a role in instant gratification another time. For now, we have moved from yearning, dreaming, and working hard to an insatiable world of gluttony and consumerism with access to endless streams of technology. Yet, we wonder why we are left feeling so fragmented in our thinking, feeling unsatisfied and so unfulfilled in our time here in this world. We satiate and then we still hunger. We still thirst. We are spiraling out.

I admit, I think it’s human nature to look for the path of least resistance. The fastest and easiest route when a need arises, is to meet it. We eat when we are hungry, and drink when we are thirsty, physically speaking this is part of our survival. Emotionally and mentally we have things arise that we might define as a need that could actually just be coming from a desire in us. We might choose to follow the thought or feeling  because it seems good, or we might avoid it if it’s too painful. I don’t deny that’s been a trend in my own life. Neuroscientists have research to prove how our own brain crafts deep grooves in the brain tissue from thoughts traveling down a familiar path. These repeated thoughts develop a refined groove which makes it easy for neurons to travel through. This path is defined by our own tendencies and pursuit of the path with the least resistance. It’s part of how we survive and conserve energy for what we want to really spend it on. The old adage that you bring about what you think about could be applicable here. We have become impatient consumers who are driven by fears in our past, in our now, and in our future. With that in mind, we also have the world we live in that is relative to us and what we enjoy. We have the virtual world which is on a whole other level and we have all been invited into becoming even more connected through these technological advances. It’s not my desire to villainize technology or social media sites, but rather a desire for us to understand how these things are influencing and attracting us.

Everyone has a list whether written or unwritten. Orderly or chaotically circulating in and out of your thoughts as they come and go. The list you have that’s unique to you and your lifestyle, it demands attention. You know that list? Yeah, yours! Your list of to-dos you had in the household or maybe its just normal self-care items. Somehow, all of that just turned into a task that feels too hard. When things feel too hard in real life you can escape right into your virtual world, with whatever glowing rectangle box you would like. Whatever avenue that looks like for you, maybe it’s the Bible app, video chatting with a faithful friend, or text messages. Cool. Maybe, it’s doom scrolling, checking your stocks, or your latest business plan to see how things are unfolding for you, like gaining an online following. Possibly, it’s online shopping and tick-tock watching. Facebook reels can suck your soul right on in and before you know it, fifteen minutes turned into two hours gone. Just to pull at this proverbial thread a little further, what pain are you experiencing and trying to avoid? You can check where you retreat by looking at the screen time feature on your phone and studying the apps you frequent. You can see trends in what time of the day you use your phone the most. You can push pause on your consumerism and worship of comfort in your retreat, and look at your desire to be truly satisfied. Could you stop and feel what pain in life, or specifically your own life, you are avoiding? Maybe, for the first time you could see what we are all facing. Whatever unwanted feeling, task, or thought, it can be put off by whatever platform, at whatever time, and it’s all your choice. You get my point. Time is saying tick-tock and it’s ticking on. The cultural themes in our society may have changed in my lifetime but one thing is for sure. Life is still too busy, and moving faster than any one of us can keep up with. 

If reading this now troubles you and creates some tension, that was the goal. I hope it does. I want you to see where you might be spiraling out like the moth. Moving toward the wrong light. I have an awareness for hurry and performance in my own life and how it has shaped me. Many people have become accepting of both the healthy and unhealthy spaces we abide in. In relation to food, activities, and even in time spent with other people. Each of us coping with life in our own ways in an attempt to feel better. One thing in common in these spaces, healthy or otherwise, you can feel good or even better than good, but then it’s only temporarily. Then the night comes, then the morning and we wake up, and we are left with the cyclical rhythms of our life that don’t make music we even want to play on our proverbial radio of life. Oh, how the soundtracks are so catchy, even the ones we don’t want in our head. Maybe we could push pause. Maybe we could invite silence.

Quiet spaces are a sacred space for an individual and hard to find.There are many distractions and disruptions that can impact that quiet and stillness. If we aren’t being interrupted by external factors there is a whole realm of internal distractions. The word distraction can be defined as anything that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else. It could also be a diversion or recreation. I also think distractions can be defined as annoying, or agitating to the mind and emotions. People often find a retreat away from all of the noise. They find their own quiet space that might be better defined as peaceful to their soul. I think every person looks for a place to go for reprieve from the noise, or an escape from the busy of the day, or perhaps in an effort to avoid the chaos or pain of life.

To be honest, relatable, and vulnerable with you, my own retreats have been found in many spaces! Some being healthy and some, unhealthy. Sometimes it’s great music, nature, a warm cup of coffee, or an interesting book in my hands. Other times its been social media, toxic relationships, and a glass of wine or my favorite liquor on the rocks while out on a date with my fella. These haven’t all been life giving or great choices and I’ve had a reckoning with that and my tendency to spiral toward the wrong flame. I am awake now to healthy changes needed. I’m incorporating those baby steps in my life for my emotional toddler and hormonal teenager as I have grown into my womanhood.  

One of my recent favorite spaces, if I’m not on a horse, or on the back patio, has been sitting on my small love seat under the warmth of my electric blanket feeling the heat radiating into my bones. I’m attempting to tune into the silence of the morning moments and embrace these still of the day. Distraction is often knocking at my door by way of devices, people, and pets. Occasionally, my dog Lucy will patter up to me with her nails clicking on the hard floors. She will sit with her face turned up to me waiting, begging for me to notice her and her desire to be up on the couch with me for indulgent strokes from my hands. Let’s talk about the cat too, his name is, Butters. He will invite himself up to my cozy place on the couch and lovingly knead the blanket with his front feet, purring like a motorboat and blinking his eyes slowly. Even in this special, quiet space there are distractions. Albeit beautiful ones arrive in the shape of my own children clomping down the stairs in the morning with their feet pattering to my bedroom as quickly as they can carry them. The sweet and tender moments shared here are precious to me. I do desire to be interruptible while also being clear on my focus. I’m often told to enjoy every moment with my children which I find to be a bit grandiose of a statement, but my momma heart gets the intent. Time is ticking, and you can’t get it back. Think, feel, and be are part of my process in embracing silence and solitude.

I think of the life of Jesus, he was he here around 33ish years. He chose to retreat to quiet places for solitude and time with his heavenly Father. He left the crowd, the fray, the noise, and his disciples to be alone. Not without purpose, not to escape. No, he prayed, he felt his pain, he studied the word and felt his humanity. The toil of life here on earth is not lost on Jesus. But, HE knew who held tomorrow and who held his hand while he was here among us. He didn’t go to others searching for affection, affirmation, and purpose. He went to the Father and eventually laid down his own life for our benefit. Thank goodness death doesn’t get the final say. He rose. He gave us a spirit of truth to guide us into an eternity with him. The Holy Spirit can meet us in the quiet retreats of the day. This is such a comfort to my heart. Heaven on earth is something we can experience and glimpse in our now. What a beautiful gift. 

As you inventory your own present time, you could likely identify a starting point for your own renewal. In The Psalms of the Bible there are many musical or liturgical pauses, encouraging reflection. The word often used at the end of a stanza is Selah, it is of Hebrew origin. This means to pause, to think about it, to listen, to reflect and praise. What’s one small change you can make today in the quiet of your heart and mind? Maybe, you can stop letting intrusive thoughts guide you forward, or stop running from the creator of the universe. Moving instead like the moth guided by the light of the moon and stars flying a straight path rather than a spiral. Moving toward him and his beautiful wonderful light ready to guide you in the silence and solitude of the dark night. He will meet you there. 1 Peter 2:9 says, “He called us out of the darkness of a meaningless life, and an eternity apart from Him, and into His wonderful, marvelous light.”

—Be Treasured

Borrowed Heartbeats

Borrowed Heartbeats by Tiffany Ward

Thump, thump, thump!

My heart beats with excitement as you came into view

When you came into my life I really needed you

What I hadn’t anticipated is that you needed me too

You were angry and stubborn, but so was I

God had a purpose for this connection inside

Our heartbeats in rhythm, yours with mine

Thump, thump, thump

With each firm stroke of my hand, against your red hair flecked with white

We taught each other love, we relinquished our fight

As I brush your coat it shimmered in the light

Trust established and strong between us

I talked and shared, I had lots to discuss

You listened intently and whicker so softly

Our language unique to us in its own way

We became close friends with each passing day

We traversed a new trail, reins grasped gently in my hands

Sounds so quiet on the morning ride

The smells pleasant and damp, blew by our side

Life was looking so hopeful and bright

Thump, thump, thump!

We ride at night

Under the stars and the moon’s light

We aren’t scared

We are perfectly paired

The sky so blue, the sun so bright

We saddle up, we go for another ride

A brisk wind comes now, playfully tussling your mane and tail with gentle curly waves

My gorgeous red sorrel boy horse with a blaze down his face

Our heartbeats together in a jaunty pace

As time went on, I grew and grew

Your breath on my palm, warm and true

My spur in your sides as we moved

Balancing life and time with you

We glimpse the boy I like, he’s grown into a man

With a click of my tongue and a squeeze of my legs you ran and ran

The two white socks on your back legs flash in the grass

We can see the barbed wire fence line and the old gate at last

Astride his own black horse, now abreast with mine

We walked the path together and intersected our lines

You stayed so still and calm, when he got off his black horse and stood by your side

Vowing his love for me, he asked me to be his bride

I squeal with delight, any other horse would want to take flight

You stood so still as I jumped down with glee

Even though he didn’t drop to one knee

Your nod of approval as I declared yes

Helped me know the marriage you did bless

While for a time, I went away

I left you at Mom’s to stay

You patiently waited for me

Knowing that together again, we would one day be

Growing and learning

Yet, so far away led us both to yearning

My own children did come, but not without loss

I traveled to see you, and you saw my eyes gloss

Your own hair and skin salty with my tears

Yet you nuzzled me close and drew me back near

Our hearts entwined

With the cadence of your breath

Thump, thump, thump

We have a new home

You are with me again

You teach my little ones to ride

This elicits our joy and pride

You have faced injuries of many kinds

I remember you broke your neck one time

You even tried to remove your hoof in your prime

Your will to live has been strong all along

Your heart knew where you belonged

The time is passing ever so fast

Your long years here have created a rich past

With each passing year

The ending draws near

Hot tears spill over now as I look into your eyes

I know it is time, I know you will die

I will have to live on

Without you by my side

Thump… thump… thump…..

Your heart stopped

I sob, I cry

You’re still, and now, so am I

With every heart beat gone

I feel numb inside

Our hearts no longer beating in rhythm, or with time

These borrowed heartbeats, were they yours or mine?

My heart beats on

Although, yours is gone

I love you sweet Treasure

The gift that you were

I will always remember you

Just as you were

Treasured

Do you feel it? The beauty inside you? The potential?
The beat of your heart is reminding you that each moment is precious.
There is a gift in daily life. It’s life giving.

Sometimes, you can feel it with a gentle touch, or smell it in the air, hear it in the tone of voice of a loved one calling your name. It’s in the taste of our favorite yummy food we eat, or in our line of sight when we see the good around us.

What happens when I feel out of touch with the life giving part of myself?
I run, I hurry, I distract, I complain, I over-indulge, and I cope with those behaviors I swear I will never do again. I hurt, or worse, I hurt others with my words or my actions. Ouch.

I love being in touch with optimism, hopefulness, and gratitude.
But sometimes, I just don’t have access.
On those days, I have to sit in the feels and stop trying to figure things out.

Meet Treasure.

He is a sweet, redheaded, loving yet stubborn horse and the best friend to me. Thank God, I have had the honor of knowing Treasure for almost his whole life. He has been an inspiration to me and part of what drove me to become an entrepreneur of my own dreams. Pursuing a career where I can help others experience, feel, and care for themselves well.

When I was little, I told him all the dirty little secrets I wouldn’t tell anyone else while he munched away on his daily feed. Guess, what?! He was there for it! When I got older, I got married, and had a family of my own. His physical presence was still calming to my soul. His ears flickering back and forth, his warm breath on my face, his heart beat under my fingertips as I brushed every red and white fleck of hair. Noticing all the life giving signs through time spent with him.

I ask again, do you feel it?
When the beat of your own heart doesn’t get through to you that life is worth living, let the beat of another be the voice of reason.

Be Treasured.